• 2:34 AM, Thursday, January 15, 2009
arrrrrrrrrrrrr
i guess im just not feeling good aye.
despite submitting the courses
i still dont have that safety?
that happiness
something is really bothering me inside
im not sure wat it is
but hey its been a week or 2 atleast i havent had good sleep
pls oh pls
someone/something
watever it is
save me?
im really stress out
but my stress are all the same
i dunt even noe y im stressing
can i just clear my mind
clear any paths watever it is
i just wanna start a new wif my life
where can i start
but i just cant start a new.
damns
ive lost my precious grandma.
ive lost my chance of getting to the course of what i am
ive lost alot of price posession both people n things in life
n im like only 17?
i feel as if i could not afford to lose aniting else
what if sumting tragic happens?
my heart is just not strong enough
i couldnt bare to take ani pain
i noe the world is imperfect
life is nvr fair
i will have to faced obstacles and so on
recently ive been argueing wif people
getting into peoples nerve
im sorry to everyone aite
im still not myself
i just cant bear this.
wat would make me ok pls tell me
help me
shit im becoming one emocraps
sians.
ive nvr had dis feeling of hurt/stress? idk
my mind is just messed up everynow n then
people get stress because of Olevel.
but im different
now is where i get all stress up
idk whether its because of the poly choices
or sumting else
i really dunnoe
dis feelings just come n go come n go.
but this time
it really shoots me directly in my heart.
i don`t think i am strong enough to face this
i know i have to overcome
but i just cant seem to do it
i admit if i wud be facing dis problem maybe 3 years ago?
i might have done sumting stupid
but now im not..
i just ,.. ok now im speechless
sorry i have to let this ting out.
i am sure if anyone were to ask me wats the problem
my answer will be IDK
seriously idk wats the problem
im being oversensitive at almost everything
and im missing everything
I MISS MY GRANDMA
MY CLASSMATE
MY OLD LIFE
i miss having both mum n dad last time having conversation
being together as family
idk.
the way when my mum came home n said
`mat go call ur grandma shes missing u n she pass me to pass u some cash`
n i wud sae `okok `
n i feel bad not giving her much love as she gave me
im not the person who will show love .
n the more i love the person the more i will hide it.
the normal conversation of me n grandma in malay
`hello nek`
`nek baik`
den she will be like
`baik mat`
`bila mamat nk dtg. tknk jumpa nenek ke?`
den i will keep saying
`skolah uh nek, kalau mamat free mamat datang k?`
she will sae
`ok da makan? mummy semua baik?`
n i`ll answer
`da mkn nasi lauk mummy masak .. semua ok jerlah nenek lak da mkn`
`da nenek mkn nasi jer. lauk smlm` sumting like dat
always had a very short conversation
i miss playing UNO cards wif her when i was small.
n last year luckily b4 she pass away i managed to come to her place all by myself.
omg.!
idk my life is in a mess even if it dont look like one
gahhs.
every problem i just absorbed n absorbed
but i just cant seem to take in animore
im all tears now
pfft
what is happening to me?
allah tuhanku.
bantula aku dalam keadaan ini
hanya tuhan sahaja tahu apa yang aku telah rasa disini.
=(
y do i have to get soo emo about this
cant i just move on n on?
pls i wanna go forward.
im only 17 im freaking stress about this how could i?
there are more people who are in worst condition
but y am i just not strong enough?
can i ever be strong?
too many problems face are suppose to make me stronger
but as days passes by
i grew weaker..
but i dunt even noe wats my problem
im not able to understand y am i feeling this
n y now?
i dunt wanna look back
but im too weak to accept the fact
things happen
ALOT of things happen
n im easily hurt
y am i like dis.
i know i follow my mum cauze she can also be hurt easily
i know but sumtimes i still have to hurt her
its not intentional. i love her most im not lying
but i dunt even show even a sign of it
im just useless i guess.
seriously i hate this feeling
n RAHMAD SHERHAN ABDUL
if u guys were to read dis please dont try to scold me or sumting
i just cant fight this ok
im trying to be cheerful as i can be.
La Familia
u told me to think positive n not to give up
i noe han u also have lost great deal more den i do.
mad u have fought ur probs
n abdul u are the same as rahmad
but i dunnoe guys
im just ar
i feel like giving up
told myself not too.
but hey.
i dunt even get my probs? how can i solve it
im just damn confused?
upon meeting people
i know more stories
different types of problems dey face
wif different people comes different life
n my life are also different
i dunt tink i can even cheer up.
peoples birthday are around the corner
including my sis n dad
n im having this feeling
i just hate it.
even this post is all messed up
its just like wats inside my head rite now.
messed up issues.
=S
i hate hearing lies n stories
but i cant accept the fact n also the truth.
im just not me?
idk
this lil heart of mine just cant accept the fact
on what is happening
around me at the moment.
