• 2:26 AM, Monday, September 29, 2008
ok i cant sleep
its 230am now
n i cant sleep
goshhh
i got ntg to do
so yeah i guess i will blog
guess my weekend is just SHOPPED =)
SATURDAY
went out wif my sis n kuzzin
bought a pair of hush puppies shoe LOL!
well it was ok i guess nice
BUT seriously i was being a bitch in choosing =p haha
it was quite a rush i guess the shopping.
after bla3 went to uncle`s place n break my fast
the rest is not important i guess
SUNDAY
shopped wif sherhan firdaus n `special appearance` zuhaili LOL!
ok first of all SORRYY ZUUUU FOR not teaching
seriously i didnt mean it =X
ok so i bought a zara long sleeve tshirt
sherhan bought zara jeans n guess shirt
fir bought a shirt from a shop as well
so in de end we our overall spending was a bomb
tanx to sherhan =p
we catch a glimpse of de F1 race at city hall
ohh man de sound was WOW =)
didnt manage to capture ani car on camera
dey were just too fast =X
hahakz
other den dat
i tink deres ntg much to sae
OMG!
i SERIOUSLY CANT SLEEP
i wonder wat i should do now
hmm
MAYBE THERES JUST TOO MUCH STUFF ON MY MIND
i dunt even noe wats bothering me but i knew deres sumting
seriously i dunt feel like RAYA ing dis year
i dunt feel it
its just different
i seriously want my old life back
sec 2 daes sec 1 i guess?
when everiting is fine
the time where my late grandma is still here
during raya she will cook curry for me
ahhh miss those times
i miss the times when my family USED TO RAYA TOGETHER
but it aint happening animore
i miss the time where i will get excited for raya
discuss wif friends on de colour of our raya clothes
those days arent happening for me rite now
time just cant be rewind
but ...
how i wish it could
i want a family that is as 1
a raya where we have our own home
k dis post is like emo
but gosh i really dunnoe wat else to do
raya isnt the same
im missing those time
the daes when late grandma will give me a diff envelope from the rest
aahhhhhhhhhh i MISS HERRRRRR
i miss my family ok!
u noe de time where after prayers for raya n we get changed
ask forgiveness to our parents
well dats not happening
parents separated
no more raya together
its been happening for the past 3 to 4 years
raya ALONE
but as every year pass
it just hurts more n more
wat hurts more is seeing family
wearing similar kurungs n out together
seeing them united
its a feeling of envy
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sumtimes i may not be de perfect son
being ignorant n such
but the truth is
i love my family very much
i miss the times where deres no financial crisis
money is saved easily
allowance is given everiweek
n i wud just save it
only to use when i really need it
for now?
haish
its just not wat it is used to be
i dunt tink im strong enough to cope wif dis stress
i noe my mind is still not at peace since sec 3
but i just cant seem to find ani solution
haish
i tink dats all for now
i noe dat not many or not even one will read dis post
but i guess i just have to let my feelings out
guess wat?
its 230am now
n i cant sleep
goshhh
i got ntg to do
so yeah i guess i will blog
guess my weekend is just SHOPPED =)
SATURDAY
went out wif my sis n kuzzin
bought a pair of hush puppies shoe LOL!
well it was ok i guess nice
BUT seriously i was being a bitch in choosing =p haha
it was quite a rush i guess the shopping.
after bla3 went to uncle`s place n break my fast
the rest is not important i guess
SUNDAY
shopped wif sherhan firdaus n `special appearance` zuhaili LOL!
ok first of all SORRYY ZUUUU FOR not teaching
seriously i didnt mean it =X
ok so i bought a zara long sleeve tshirt
sherhan bought zara jeans n guess shirt
fir bought a shirt from a shop as well
so in de end we our overall spending was a bomb
tanx to sherhan =p
we catch a glimpse of de F1 race at city hall
ohh man de sound was WOW =)
didnt manage to capture ani car on camera
dey were just too fast =X
hahakz
other den dat
i tink deres ntg much to sae
OMG!
i SERIOUSLY CANT SLEEP
i wonder wat i should do now
hmm
MAYBE THERES JUST TOO MUCH STUFF ON MY MIND
i dunt even noe wats bothering me but i knew deres sumting
seriously i dunt feel like RAYA ing dis year
i dunt feel it
its just different
i seriously want my old life back
sec 2 daes sec 1 i guess?
when everiting is fine
the time where my late grandma is still here
during raya she will cook curry for me
ahhh miss those times
i miss the times when my family USED TO RAYA TOGETHER
but it aint happening animore
i miss the time where i will get excited for raya
discuss wif friends on de colour of our raya clothes
those days arent happening for me rite now
time just cant be rewind
but ...
how i wish it could
i want a family that is as 1
a raya where we have our own home
k dis post is like emo
but gosh i really dunnoe wat else to do
raya isnt the same
im missing those time
the daes when late grandma will give me a diff envelope from the rest
aahhhhhhhhhh i MISS HERRRRRR
i miss my family ok!
u noe de time where after prayers for raya n we get changed
ask forgiveness to our parents
well dats not happening
parents separated
no more raya together
its been happening for the past 3 to 4 years
raya ALONE
but as every year pass
it just hurts more n more
wat hurts more is seeing family
wearing similar kurungs n out together
seeing them united
its a feeling of envy
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sumtimes i may not be de perfect son
being ignorant n such
but the truth is
i love my family very much
i miss the times where deres no financial crisis
money is saved easily
allowance is given everiweek
n i wud just save it
only to use when i really need it
for now?
haish
its just not wat it is used to be
i dunt tink im strong enough to cope wif dis stress
i noe my mind is still not at peace since sec 3
but i just cant seem to find ani solution
haish
i tink dats all for now
i noe dat not many or not even one will read dis post
but i guess i just have to let my feelings out
guess wat?
ramadhan`s almost over
n dis would be the 1st year for me to be able to fast 1 mth
IF i were to get the next two days INSYAALAH
but then
i noe i wont get ani blessing
this is because i have not been praying at home
haiz
n u noe dis ramadhan may be bad enough but syawal
which everyone would celebrate their victory after a mth of fasting,
would be quite a disaster
i tink i wud cry for during dis mth of syawal
even if its not shown
de sadness in me is just too great of a burden for me to handle
olevel is not the concern of me not celebrating raya
but haish
i just cant seem to accept the fact this is happening
it may be a test to me from ALLAH
but i tink ive failed
im trying my best
wats the point of smiling n enjoying outside but
u noe dat ur still not cured
22/5/08 makes it harder for me to celebrate raya
de very sec when i knew dat my grandma had left us,
i knew somewhat that raya is not the same
well most of my family members have dreamt bout her
BUT I STILL HAVE NOT
wat cud dis mean?
ahhh
im SORRYYYYYYYYY for the super long post
i noe dat many will be sick n tired of dis post
but once again
dis feeling inside of me nids to get loose
even after this
i dont even feel better
its nearing to 4am n yes i wont be sleeping for today
my eyebags are already dat bad
it looks like its going to get worst.
when oh when will i be able to celebrate raya like last time
even if going raya wif friends
it will be like mani of us going together but only to wat?
3 to 4 houses?
wats the point.
they say raya is when one family goes to another`s house n share jokes
ask for forgiveness , n de food will be special
but wats the point if ur last 3 raya is all alone u just go to TWO houses
looks like dis year is just gonna be one for me?
for those who even care to read this
I THANK YOU
but if u dunt i understand.
